March Madness is a case study in sensory overload. The greatest annual sporting event on American soil, or more specifically American hardwood, barrages the fan at a spastic pace well deserving of its nickname.
Symptoms of the NCAA Tournament have long kept many a fan out of work suddenly. It has induced others to seek a medicinal draught from the corner sports bar, I mean, pharmacist. The NCAA and CBS have done a savvy thing in streaming every game of the Tourney online. Yet part of the fun is huddling with others afflicted and letting the action wash over you en masse.
With that I mind, I charge Norman Einstein's expense account (read: my paycheck) for a torrid boozy tour to the Final Four. My road doesn't reach Indianapolis. Instead, I crisscross by bus and train and cab the sporting pubs of the City, raising a glass - at least - for each game I watch. All sixty games of the scheduled in March portion of March Madness is not realistic, not with a nine-to-five and a nine-to-five paycheck like I've got. But half of that is. Thirty drinks for thirty games. Norman Einstein's does not condone driving drunk, underage alcohol consumption, or making outrageous boozed-fueled claims about certain activities that Quincy Pondexter prefers with certain farmyard animals upon your team's defeat, so please, everyone, drink responsibly.
March 18
Ducking out of work with a coworker we make for nearby Firefly in Nolita. Firefly is one of those new breed sports bars with as many flat-screens as pieces of minimalist furniture. The waitstaff is almost uniformly female and uniformly fetching. Old Dominion has already upset Notre Dame, a development celebrated by the close to half-full backroom. Boozy and boisterous, the boys are cheering on BYU to knock off Florida just now headed into its first of two overtimes. Finding a diminutive table, we catch the waitress's sleepy-eyed attention and order our drinks.
1. Baylor 68 Sam Houston State 59, Guinness
2. Murray State 66 Vanderbilt 65, Brooklyn Lager
Brooklyn Lager is not a beer with a specific moment to it. It's drinkable with a caramel tinge to its maltiness. It's not overly carbonated nor thick in body. It's simply a collection of nice impressions that blend together fairly seamlessly. The match-up between the Murray State Racers and the Vanderbilt Commodores is anything but a seamless flow of impressions. The Racers crash the boards against a lackadaisical Commodores squad. The Racers reach in on nearly every dribble. They hound and claw and force the reluctant Commodores into a street fight. And, by doing so, set up the first transcendent moment of this year's Tourney. Seconds left, Racers ball at half court, inbound pass to forward Danero Thomas. Thomas dribbles to the top of the key, faces up, then steps to his right, unleashing a contested almost awkward eighteen-footer. Swish. The Racers race up court only to collapse into a celebratory pile.
...
Jake's Saloon in Chelsea is fairly standard mid-Manhattan Irish-y, sports-y pub. The crowd is as much after-work as it is sports-obsessed. Jake's is a bit too popped in the collar for me, but overall there are many worse places to take in the game. The bartenders are attentive if not exactly chatty. All the better to keep one's attention firmly on the game in front and not the mishmosh in back.
3. Ohio 97 Georgetown 83, Pilsner Urquell
4. Northern Iowa 69 Nevada-Las Vegas 66, Jake's Tricky Ale
The Russian bartender assures me that Jake's Tricky Ale - a house beer brewed by god only knows - is a good bet so I put in my chips. I taste strawberry sweetness with a little dark chocolate bitterness. There is - this is weird - a Nerf ball mouthfeel to it which is - this is even weirder - kind of nice. Yet at the finish I sense a slight cabbage-y mealiness which is not very nice. Jake's trick doesn't seem to know when or how to quit the stage. In the tilt between the Northern Iowa Panthers and UNLV's Runnin' Rebels a comparable sense of confusion reigns. Perhaps this is due to the full-court press the Rebs employ. Yet at times the press confuses UNLV more than their opponent. The Rebs display some nifty spot-up shooting to balance Northern Iowa's big Frankenstein Jordan Eglseder's inside banging on the other end of the court. As the game heads to the wire, still without any discernable flow, it's the Panthers' Ali Farokhmanesh and his three-point shooting that impart identity to the contest. Only seconds left on the clock, the Panthers inbound, take the ball up the court, and find Farokhmanesh about five or six feet out from the three-point line. Without hesitation, Farokhmanesh unleashes a confident, almost cocky, shot with a lazy stroke that breaks the tie and wins the game.
...
In the Fashion District you can find the Triple Crown which is anything but fashionable. In fact, the Triple Crown is exactly the type of place that endeavors to resist modern impulses. A high-ceilinged bar with wood booths and alcoves spread throughout, the Triple Crown is stately if pleasantly understated. The austerity unfortunately spreads to the tap list which sports a solid if unspectacular lineup of domestics and British Isle imports.
5. Tennessee 62 San Diego State 59, Newcastle
Newcastle is not what you would call a complex beer. No foaminess to speak of, no notable hoppiness, not overly sweet. Newcastle is simply a solid bodied beer that's a little malty and a little nutty. Similarly the Tennessee Volunteers are not what you call a complex team, solid in the middle and a little nutty. The Vols play tough defense, discouraging the big men on the San Diego State Aztecs from attacking inside, but I hesitate to call their defense good. The Aztecs manage to hang on, like the lingering maltiness of Newcastle in the mouth, pouncing on the Vols' nuttiness. Yet Tennessee does just enough to escape the first round with the three-point victory.
6. Wake Forest 81 Texas 80, Smithwicks
March 19
Across the street from the Firefly is Gatsby's. While both are sports bars, Gatsby's is pretty much everything Firefly tries to update or overhaul. Gatsby's is a standard pub, content to nestle itself in a long tradition, with an okay tap list and a friendly staff. That kind of unremarkable pleasantness is hard to come by in the Soho-Nolita-Noho matrix.
7. Cornell 78 Temple 65, Boddingtons
8. Minnesota 65 Xavier 54, Sierra Nevada Pale Ale
Sierra Nevada has long been a gold standard in American microbrew achievements. A definite pale ale with a distinct American hoppiness, citrus and pine notes balanced by a lot of carbonation, imparting a refreshing quality to the sip. For all it's sundry flavors, Sierra Nevada's strength is in its versatility. The Minnesota Gophers made the tournament field with a strong run in the Big Ten tournament. Their half-court trap defense flummoxed opponent after opponent before Ohio State shot their way right past out of it. The Xavier Musketeers, like the Buckeyes, do not lack for options. They bang against the Gophers' big men and they keep it close until swingman Jordan Crawford with a barrage of jumpers puts the game away for Xavier. Again, too much versatility for the Gophers.
...
With a rarely neglected beer pong table in back, the Pinch in Greenwich Village wears its heart on its sleeve. It also proudly displays its varied rooting interests prominently throughout the bar. Flags of the Jets, Mets, Yankees, Giants, and Rangers of New York come as no surprise. The Chicago Bears, Washington Redskins, Tennessee Titans, and Florida Gators, however, are unexpectedly represented. The backwards ball cap set is leavened with a bit of Village rock 'n' roll trash. Johnny Cash blares from one of the bartender's iPods while an over-served patron sings along, with a greater or lesser grasp on the lyrics.
9. Gonzaga 67 Florida State 60, Kronenbourg 1664
10. Georgia Tech 64 Oklahoma State 59, Blue Moon
Blue Moon is the quintessential commercial Belgian white, not my favorite style by any stretch. I've never understood the orange garnish because of the overpowering orange and lemon nose and taste to the beer. Luckily, I caught my bartender before he tossed the peel into its cloudy body. I always think of waffles when I drink Blue Moon, maybe it's the thick body and sweet bread in the lingering finish. The Oklahoma State Cowboys and the Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets do not remind me of waffles; their game, however, had a lingering finish. The Cowboys kept themselves in the game early with sharpshooting on the perimeter, but being unable to crack the Yellow Jackets' size in the paint, left them trailing through much of the second half. The Cowboys' James Anderson finally brought his team fully back into the game late with a steal and breakaway dunk. Yet again Tech bullied State under the boards just enough, wearing down the quick Cowboys.
...
Like Belgian white, the Village on a Friday night is not really my style. The suits, NYU kids, out-of-towners, and clubbers stuff every previously unoccupied corner. Executive decision time: hit up the well-stocked corner store a few blocks from my apartment and head home for the late-game action.
11. Maryland 89 Houston 77, Sierra Nevada Harvest Wet Hop Ale (13th Release)
Sierra Nevada's limited annual batch on the Wet Hop Ale is always a nice little find. The latest, the thirteenth release, is no less pleasant than its predecessors I've sampled. A darker beer that light in the mouth. It's hoppy but not heavy. A nice apple flavor combined with black pepper tones resolve into a malt finish. It's a beer with a lot going on. In the match-up between Houston's Aubrey Coleman and Maryland's Greivis Vazquez there is also a lot going on. Both are among the most prolific scorers in the NCAA. Their coaches seem content to let them work it out between each other. All through the first half, the scoring displays are threatened but never delivered. It's in the second half when Vazquez subtly shifts the rules that Maryland pulls away decisively. On three straight possessions Vazquez draws the Cougars defense to him. Three straight times, he feeds his teammates with flawless precision: a no-look behind the back bounce pass for a three, a bounce pass feed into the post, and a kick out to the perimeter for another three. Coleman tries valiantly to ignite a scoring frenzy but it's too late to save the Cougars from Tourney extinction.
March 20
I'm not going to lie, the Dram Shop in Park Slope is not my favorite bar. The tap list is nice. The dark wood long bar and high booths are comfortable. The burger is quite good. Yet there's something off about the Dram Shop. Why am I here? Because it's the closest bar to Prospect Park, where I just came from on this seventy-degree sunny day, with a lot of flatscreen HDTVs. Location, location, location, right?
12. Butler 54 Murray State 52, Sixpoint Sweet Action
Avery's ESB is a strange beer. An extra strong bitter style that's very lightly colored when poured. It's definitely malty but balanced with a pronounced hoppiness. More earthy than fruity, still the 14er ESB is enjoyable if odd. I won't say much on the Panthers' upset of the Kansas Jayhawks, so much has already been said, except to remark on the surface we could look to the oddness of Ali Farokhmanesh's shot and shake our heads. But to limit our rememberance to one ill-timed yet remarkable shot would be to forget center Jordan Eglseder out-muscling likely lottery pick Cole Aldrich. Or the disciplined offensive sets by the Panthers which limited turnovers. Or the lockdown job on Sherron Collins on the perimeter. It was a strange victory, sure, but don't confuse it for a freak occurrence.
14. Kentucky 90 Wake Forest 60, Dogfish Head India Brown Ale
Even if you don't like Dogfish Head's many creative brews, you have to give them their due, they don't do anything half-assed. Well known for their long-hopped IPAs, the India Brown Ale is an interesting crossbreed in their line-up. It's a brown ale with no small amount of maltiness. The coffee and molasses flavors are upfront. But the hoppy dryness is present along with chocolate. There's a smoothness to it and it's not overly complex even if it is strong and interesting. The Kentucky Wildcats' thorough domination of the Demon Deacons was similarly confident, strong, and assured... if not overly complex. The Deacons, a team with legitimate big men, simply could not stop DeMarcus Cousins in the paint. Again and again, Cousins simply took the pass turned around and slammed it down on Al-Farouq Aminu. The precise outside shooting from Darius Miller and John Wall ensured the lopsided 90-60 final score and the Deacons exit from the Tourney.
March 21
I am still in bed when the Sunday slate starts. Luckily for me, my bedroom is my living room (and my dining room and my kitchen). Through bleary eyes I reach for the remote.
15. Syracuse 87 Gonzaga 65, Tap water
Tap water: not beer. But it's refreshing and delicious and goes with anything. What have you got against water? You're 70% water. If you're going to hate on water, look in the mirror and hate on yourself. The other thing about water, it's everywhere so it's kind of unremarkable. Unremarkable like Gonzaga's performance against the Syracuse Orange? Yeah, unremarkable like that.
...
Downtown Bar in Cobble Hill is a bar after my own heart. No, it's not perfect. Somehow the kitchen has gotten worse on all but a few items. Yet it's comfortable and rarely rowdy. The waitstaff is very friendly if occasionally absentminded. The HDTVs are spread throughout without dominating the aesthetics. But most importantly they sport twenty rotating taps and over 400 beers in bottles. Kid meet candy store.
16. Purdue 63 Texas A&M 61, Great Divide Fresh Hop Pale Ale
Not quite an IPA, the Fresh Hop Pale Ale is close. Definite pine and citrus flavors ride a solid malt character to a hoppy, dry finish. The body is lighter than an IPA to be sure and there's an earthiness lingering in the back. This one's a lot more grounded than many pale ales. The Texas A&M Aggies and Purdue Boilermakers second-round match-up similarly displayed no lack of identity. The game was a defensive struggle through and through where scoring came only in fits and starts. The only stirring moment of beauty I remember came when senior guard Chris Kramer drove to the hoop with a nifty crossover to blow past a crowd for the overtime win. Otherwise, the memory conjures only a blur of elbows and loose balls.
17. Michigan State 85 Maryland 83, Dogfish Head 75 Minute IPA (cask)
18. Ohio State 75 Georgia Tech 66, Green Flash West Coast IPA
March 25
A friend described Plan B in Prospect Heights as a goofy bar. I think it an apt description. It's a sports bar to be sure, but beyond that I'm not sure. The waitstaff and the clientele are extremely friendly. But the tap selection is pretty pathetic as is the food. Still a charm of good intentions lingers in the uninspired set-up.
19. Butler 63 Syracuse 59, Brooklyn Lager
What's that you say? Brooklyn Lager has already made its appearance on this pub crawl? Remember that bit about the pathetic tap selection... Like I said before, Brooklyn Lager isn't really one moment, it's just a flow of nice impressions. Butler's upset of Syracuse reminded me of that. Again, the Bulldogs defense stymied the opponents pace, killing the transition game that the Orange used to demolish those other Bulldogs, the ones from Gonzaga. Once Syracuse stormed back, the Butler guards confidently hit their shots at the outer reaches of the 2-3 zone, then fell back to hounding man defense. Something so monumental, toppling a number one seed, made to look so easy, so seamless.
20. West Virginia 69 Washington 56, Chelsea Black Hole XXX Stout
21. Kansas State 101 Xavier 96, Saranac Pale Ale
22. Kentucky 62 Cornell 45, Brooklyn Pilsner
March 26
Bleecker Street Bar in Noho is an anomaly: a nice neighborhood joint in the City's center for sass and class. Buck Hunter and pool tables in the back, the main room is at once cavernous and comfortable. The crowd is always a mix, people tend to stream in and out rather than stay unless friends with one of the bartenders.
24. Baylor 72 Saint Mary's 49, Captain Lawrence Pale Ale
23. Tennessee 76 Ohio State 73, Delirium Tremens
A Belgium strong ale, Delirium Tremens besides being a great name for a beer is simply a great beer. It's thick and sweet, bananas and a lemony citrus balance with a spicy character that reminds me of allspice. The heavy carbonation serves as a reminder to slow down and enjoy. The Volunteers and Ohio State Buckeyes played a balanced first half... if you consider barely playing defense something that can be balanced. There's a lot of big plays, alley-oops and backdoor slams, rainbow threes and fearless drives, to remember in this game. But the highlight you're bound to see over and over again is the jumbled end-of-regulation play with the Buckeyes' star guard Evan Turner dribbling at the top of the key looking for space to shoot the three. The shot clock forces the shot, he quarter spins and pulls up only to meet J.P. Prince's outstretched arm, forcing the ball and Turner along with it to the floor.
25. Michigan State 59 Northern Iowa 52, Goose Island Mild Winter Ale
26. Duke 70 Purdue 57, Radeberger Pilsner
March 27
This pub crawl has been a little too Manhattan- and Brooklyn-centric. To rectify that I meet a friend at Sunswick in Astoria. It's a dark-hued bar with a long row of rotating taps. The music is non-stop stream of hair metal but the music remains buried in the chatty, happy mix of conversation. Sunswick is a fine neighborhood joint with a few tricks up its sleeve, the kind of bar I'd love to have a short stumble home from.
27. Butler 63 Kansas State, Shipyard Prelude Ale
28. West Virginia 73 Kentucky 66, Two Brothers Northwood Imperial Stout
March 28
Drinking out in New York City for two weeks, several days straight, has busted my pocketbook. Choosing groceries for the week over another bar tab, I head back over to an apartment of friends to catch the last bit of March Madness in March. At a corner store, I stare at the six-packs trying to find a good beer and a beer I haven't consumed over the past fortnight.
29. Michigan State 70 Tennessee 69, Peak Organic Amber Ale
30. Duke 78 Baylor 71, Sierra Nevada Torpedo Extra IPA
The Torpedo Extra IPA is aptly named. It overwhelms the palate with little regard for collateral damage. It's piney and complex, I swear to god I taste marijuana in its earthy milieu. The aftertaste is long lasting with some citrus to it. Just like my palate, the Baylor Bears finally found a team too overwhelming even for their considerable length. It's close even as Baylor's 2-3 zone teeters on the edge of collapse. Duke guard Nolan Smith spots up in every hole in the zone, fellow guard John Scheyer nails a few deep threes, and the Bears' zone topples like a house of cards. The seven-point difference in final score makes it seem closer than it felt.
...
The only lingering symptoms I suffer from March Madness is a weak bank account and an increased risk of cirrhosis... and perhaps a mild, happy fatigue. In a few days, the Final Four will become the Final Two. Already we are forgetting about Racers and Bobcats, Ekpe and Ali, Hummel-less Boilermakers and Chism-led Volunteers, Big Red's overreaching and big Samhan's undershirt. In a few days, the fever will be broken and this madness forgotten. In a few days, maybe I'll finally get over this hangover.
[Cian spends his days in photos and his nights advancing the cause of the Einsteins... well, most nights anyway. If you like the magazine, he would really like it if you joined our mailing list. To read more by Cian, check out his profile.]
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